Pig-tails+ plus

I feel as though this summer has been going in slow motion. We have been out here for a

while, though it seems. James sums it up well: "the days drag-on, but weeks fly by during summer sales". There is so much truth to that statement. It almost feels like ground hog day. The summer sale schedule gives you the opportunity to "perfect" a daily routine, but I have not. That is a story for another time. What I want to talk about is pig-tails.

The fact that Lil Miss has changed from a small infant (8 months) crawling from here to there into a (almost) one year old walker with teeth- four to be exact- and all.

I miss my baby.

The past couple of weeks with the quick visit to utah and all the moving has been a little "hard" on Miss avery. She got sick (viral infection in the throat) and then sick again (a cold from a nothing younster on the plane). Needless to say she has barely started to feel better. On the positive side she LOVE LOVES to snuggle. All day long, she could only muster the energy to crawl up in my lap and lay and lay. I was/am in heaven. She gave up the whole rocking me to sleep thing by 4 months. So naturally, I obliged to her requests. We might have a problem on her hands when she feels better. I am sure we will, but so worth it.

***

The main purpose for this post is that:

1)its been a while and 2)Lil Miss is 11 months old TODAY.

I cant believe it....

in only 1 month I will stop referring to months when

asked my little baby's age and be forced to answer with 1 YEAR.

I am crying. Really.

***

I just want to document lil miss:

1) she smiles and smile and smiles

2) Lil miss and mommy spend lots of time together

3) she goes down for the night without a fight

4) her milk has to be warm-- STILL (I know its a little excessive)

5) she has long fingernails because her mother doesn't have to courage to cut them

Once i cut James nails when we first were married and cut his finger, been scared ever since. Understandable, right?

6) she loves to play hide and seek.

Usually, I am the hider and she finds me.

7) LOVES bath time and Pool time

8) REALLY loves other kids especially her cousins.

9) Began to walk at 10 months

10) Her hair grows only in the back-- and is long enough for PIG-TAILS.

Mommy and daddy couldn't be happier.

We have so much love for her sweet spirit and chubby cheeks.

thoughts.

I am sitting here on the couch as little Miss plays in dreamland. The laundry is all over our bed, every toy has seem to find a place on our living room floor, and the bottom cabinets are opened with their contents spewed over the kitchen tile.... and I am sitting here.

Sitting here pondering.

The last couple of days I have gone through so many emotions and feelings. None of them could be named by anger or frustration, yet the exact word cannot be found. The fluctuation in my emotions probably has something to do with mother nature's visit this week or just being a mother--- you WILL get a lot more emotional after childbirth and it doesn't seem to lessen through the months. Honestly, you will probably never be the same. You won't be. Here are my thoughts: (from Sunday morning on)

1. complete gratitude during our life after death Sunday school lesson
2. pride for our American heritage while watching the sky light up
3. deep sadness for a great loss in our family (here and here)
4. worry for my family and their feelings
5. joy in the thought of Grandpa meeting his son
6. tenderness towards my husband-- who doesn't cry (at least not often)
7. insecurity with myself
8. desire to fix
9. happy memories during the two short years with my only grandfather
10. confusion about what I am suppose to do or feel

While I write this, I am unsure if I should just hit delete or finish. It is hard to loose someone who means so much to you... and sometimes harder when they mean even more to another. How do you help a love one cope and cope yourself? I don't know what to do. For now, I type.

I know when my grandmother died during high school, I was mute and didn't want to talk. Maybe me and Mr. Pendleton are more alike than I think.... so maybe I do know. I will just be. Be the one that I needed during my hard time. Hopefully, that will be enough... I think it will.

I must finish the packing and cleaning before little miss leaves dreamland.

I read once, that it takes courage to write. I find that interesting... and so true.